Deeper Bible Studies Blog » relationships

Don’t Rebuke Children with Tough Bible and Spiritual Questions

dbsbrad — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:15:11 +0000

What happens when a young child asks a probing question, a REAL question about God, Christ,…the truth? Imagine a young child in her teens in a Christian school. Imagine a young man in “Sunday School” at church. Imagine them asking real questions such as “Why can’t I see God?” or “In the Bible, Jesus keeps referring to God as His father. But you say God and Jesus are the same thing. How is that possible?” or “Why would God take my younger brother away in that car accident?”, etc…

How we answer these questions can have a profound impact on the future spirituality (or lack of spirituality) of those impressionable children.

We have two choices when kids ask these questions:

We can attempt to explain as best we can these mysteries, doing some real research and soul searching ourselves so we can thoughtfully respond. We can take these children seriously as honest seekers who just want honest answers. We can expose them to a greater understanding of the fullness and complexity of God by digging deeper into the Bible with them.
We can tell them to stop asking questions and to just take it on faith…just believe. We could scold them as class disruptors. We could ridicule them and make them feel silly or stupid for asking questions. We could even punish them for having the audacity to question the teacher or to question God or the Bible.

Now, I hope you are equally shocked by even the possibility of responding the 2nd way as I am. You may even be saying, “Does that really happen? Are you serious?” I am.

I’ve encountered MANY atheists, agnostics, or non-believers who started out as children of Christians…going to Sunday School, Catholic school, or a private Christian school of some sort. They had questions…lots of them. How questions were answered, in many ways, determined their lack of belief.

There are people who can hear a simple truth and believe it without needing to dig much deeper. Jesus referred to this as the faith of a child in Mark 10:15.

Mark 10:13-15 (NIV)
¹³People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.
¹⁴ When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
¹⁵ I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

Then there are people, much like me, who require more intellectual responses. We don’t just WANT to understand…we NEED to understand.

So, how do you deal with intellectually leaning children…especially when they are young, confused, questioning…and yet still open?

Again, two choices. I urge you to choose #1. Treat them like true seekers that are important enough for us to give a reasoned response….regardless of their age. If you don’t know the answer, tell them so. Work WITH them to find the answers.

Here is what happens when you rebuke a child with questions:

Here is a quote from author Stephanie D. Norris about her book called “Crisis of Religion” . “I could distinctly remember that as a little child (1st or 2nd grade), I instigated some probing questions into a couple Biblical issues that hoisted conflicting contradictions in my head. Instead of my Sunday school teacher answering my questions, and addressing my deep concerns, he conversely scolded me, hauling my rational queries over the coal. He then admonished me to desist from asking such probing questions anymore, but to just believe and accept whatever the church told me.”

Here is another quote from a conversation I had with another Atheist: “When I was 12, the nun who was my teacher grabbed me and shook me while telling me I would go to hell if I didn’t stop making trouble by asking questions in catechism class.”

The result is skepticism and disbelief…not faith. The result, more often than not, is a lost soul.

Here is the bottom line: We don’t need to fear questions. We don’t need to be ashamed or embarrassed when we don’t know the answer. There ARE answers for many of these questions…you must find the answers.

We MUST NOT reject the person asking the questions (regardless of age).
We MUST NOT ask these types of students to believe on faith…when they need more.
We MUST NOT tell them to be quiet and just behave.

These children require special attention…yes MORE than you may have bargained for. It might require you finding answers yourself to questions you’ve never thought to ask. It might require a greater sacrifice of your time to invest in the lives of these special children (who God loves) to truly Disciple them…and teach them.

Being a teacher of children is serious business. How you respond to difficult questions can lead to a lost soul, or to an eternal blessing for generations to come. It’s your choice. Choose wisely.

Where to find answers? Google “Christian or Bible answers” and you will find many sources. Here is one source I found: http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/answers-to-tough-questions/home.aspx

Lastly, I invite you to share your stories with me. If you have a positive story about an inquisitive student who’s faith was strengthened after a teacher took the time to disciple them through their questions, please share it with me. If you have a story where questions were rebuked with negative consequences, I’d like to hear those as well. Email me at: brad@deeperbiblestudies.com.

Not subscribed to this blog/e-newsletter? Subscribe Now.

How to Deal with Difficult People-A Unsolved Mystery?

dbsbrad — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 03:12:28 +0000

I think we’ve all encountered them at some point in our lives. Sometimes they are friends, sometimes they are acquaintances or co-workers, and sometimes they are family. I’m talking about Difficult People.

What makes difficult people tick? Do they find it hard to get along with everyone…or just select individuals?

This is an area where I admit openly…I don’t have a clue. Am “I” the one that’s actually difficult to get along with? Jesus, please help me to discern the truth!

Although I don’t have a reliable compass for navigating through such tough relationships, God does.

A few verses come to mind.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

The message? Forgive and keep on forgiving! Good advice.

Matthew 5:22-24 (NIV)
22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment…
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

The message? Don’t become angry, even with those who seem to be looking for a fight. Don’t harbor a grudge and bitter feeling that will only prove to eat you from the inside. Such grudges are used by the Devil to separate us from God. Instead, sincerely seek reconciliation. If they aren’t open to reconciliation…put it behind you and do your best to live with love in your heart for them.

Here is another lesson worth following. When you get angry with someone, instead of gossiping about it with others (which only tends to make the problem larger than life), dig into God’s word. Allow God to speak to your heart and advise you on the matter. God’s council is infinitely wise and true.

So, what has been your experience in dealing with difficult people? What works? What doesn’t? From someone who desperately needs help in this area…what advise do you have?

What happens to a family when a member loses their faith?

dbsbrad — Sat, 29 May 2010 03:16:20 +0000

I like to visit the “other” side from time to time and read comments from non-believers on various sites.

One thing I keep seeing is situations where the person (the non-believer) finally tells their parents or friends…and BAM…rejection. Parents and friends stop talking to them (presumably because they are so hurt)..they are shunned.

It leaves me scratching my head in disbelief. I know it happens, but WHY?

God calls us to love each other. God calls us to take care of one another.

How do you think non-believers feel when us Christians, who are supposed to show unconditional love, about face and walk away from the relationship?

From reading the comments, it’s clear that it’s incredibly damaging…not just to the person who’s at a very vulnerable time (spiritual low you might say)…but also damaging to Christianity.

Our reputation should be one of loving people THROUGH a hard time in their life…not walking away. People should know us as the people who didn’t judge, didn’t condemn, didn’t shun.

So, I’ll ask the pink elephant in the room question here: Is there anyone in your family that you have severed relations with because they fell away from the church? Ask yourself…is that what God wants, or is this just my imperfect human way of dealing with difficult situations?

Reach out in love and rebuild the relationship. Don’t try to drag them to church, don’t have your pastor chat with them, don’t try to fix them…just love them and spend time with them. Show them God’s unconditional love and mercy by how you treat them.

Who knows…LIVING the Christian faith may be just the witness they need to someday return to the faith.

To learn more about how you can help reverse negative Christian stereotypes, visit http://www.changingthefaceofchristianity.com. When you get there, JOIN the cause.

Love Others by Looking Them in the Eye

dbsbrad — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 06:05:33 +0000

Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt like Mr. Cellophane from the musical Chicago? I have felt this way more often than I care to admit. In other cultures, it might be the norm, but in America, not looking someone in the eye sends a message: ”You aren’t very important to me”. Forget about trying to remember someone’s name; the eyes come first.

God commands us to love one another (1 John 3:23). Love can be communicated in many different ways… by listening, by helping, through words of encouragement and hope, and through acts of selfless service. But love always starts with ”hello”. When you first meet someone, do you give them undivided attention, or are you looking for the next person to meet?

I can count on one hand the times in my life when I have witnessed someone giving consistent focused attention to a group of new people; treating each person as uniquely important. How about you?

We meet new people at the grocery store, at the pharmacy, standing in line for tickets to a show, waiting for a table at a restaurant, at a power-lunch or networking event, and even at church. How do you make people feel when you first meet them? My suggestion is to first make them feel important to you with your eyes. There are other suggestions, but this is a good first step.

In my church, there is a small time set aside at the beginning of service to ”go shake some hands”. This is where I have most often felt invisible to those new people I’m meeting. For some visualization, imagine you are in a dense fog and all you see coming at you is a hand. So, you start to extend your hand to meet theirs. Now, if you are like me, the next thing you do is look up and see whose hand it is.

This is the moment of truth. Will the person be looking at you as they shake your hand, or will they be looking left, right, or past you for the next hand? The goal is not to ‘’shake as many hands in the next 30 seconds as possible” and the winner gets a prize. It’s about connecting briefly with another human being.

I’m calling you to be the type of person who looks the other person in the eye. When they look up, they should see you looking at them and only them. While you say hello, continue to look at them. In that brief moment, make them feel important with your eyes.

Jesus Christ was quoted as saying ”If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) The practical application today is this: How can you love others if you aren’t even willing to give them your brief undivided attention? If it’s tough to do this in church with fellow believers, how are you possibly going to make non-believers feel important when you meet them?

When it comes to evangelism and connecting with non-believers, I won’t suggest I have it all figured out. But I do know this: true evangelism starts with a loving relationship where the other person feels as important to you as they are to our heavenly Father. The first and possibly only chance you will get to develop such a relationship depends on your eyes. Where are they focused?

My plea is that you let the whole world turn into a thick fog where the only thing you see is the other person’s eyes. In that moment, choose to love them as our Father has commanded, through focused attention. Who knows? The next time you meet them they might actually remember your name and you might remember theirs.

Busyness is the Enemy

dbsbrad — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 23:05:11 +0000

Imagine living a life where you are always in a hurry, stressed out, and never able to relax. Imagine going on a vacation and not knowing how to be still and do nothing. Visualizing this might not be too difficult for you. In fact, it may be hitting so close to home that you secretly wonder if I’ve been spying on you and talking to your friends. If you can relate to this, then you may be suffering from addiction to “busyness”.

As with any addiction, there are usually some short-term benefits. The benefits of busyness as I see them are

The illusion of getting ahead
The sense of being important or known as “highly productive”
The feeling of being in control of your future

All of these “benefits” are counterfeits. You are trading real joy for counterfeit joy. Here is how to tell the difference. Ask yourself: “When was the last time I felt joy?” And, “Was this joy directly connected to my busyness?” The answers are typically “a long time ago” and “No!”

If you actually got “ahead”, would you pause and rest a little…or just keep pressing forward to get even more “ahead”? Most of the people I know that are running around busy all the time, trying to be in control, actually appear the most out of control. Instead of having a balanced life, one thing usually dominates their life and everything else suffers.
It’s time to start living a new, joyful life. But first, let’s talk about what busyness really costs you.

Busyness robs you of a deep connection and relationship with God. If you are too busy for your spouse, your kids, your extended family and friends, where will God end up on your priority list? How can you be sensitive to God’s voice if you are always on the go?
Busyness robs you of quality time with friends and family. Busyness usually revolves around jobs, projects, tasks, or activities…not around the important people in your life. (Read Luke 10:38-42)
Busyness robs you of time for reading the Bible and quiet times of contemplation and prayer. Even if you do make time for such things, you likely feel rushed to get through them…which diminishes the value and purpose behind them.

So, to achieve a close relationship with God, your family, and important friends, start living a new life. Here are three timeless principles for eliminating busyness in your life:

Establish your priorities
Learn to say NO!
Lower the bar

To establish priorities, focus on what’s really most important to you. Think results. If your family is your most important priority, then make them the priority. When your child asks for help or maybe just your attention…give it to them. If God is your highest priority, then give Him the BEST part of your day. Read His word and talk with Him when you are most alert or most able to focus. Don’t put that time off until the end of the day when you are worn out from all of life’s lower priorities.

Learn to say No! Ah…now that’s a tough one isn’t it? Most people have a natural desire to be liked. So, we tend to say yes to other people, even when we want to say no. This is going to sound odd, but saying No is not about saying No. It’s about saying YES to your priorities and values, and saying No to things that are not. So, when someone asks you do to something in line with your priorities and values, and it won’t stretch you too thin, then certainly say yes. But when you are already overcommitted or presented with an opportunity which would sacrifice your higher priorities, then you must get into a habit of saying No. For those of you that are “No! Challenged” try saying “let me think about that and get back to you”. Then later, when you have more courage, tell them No!

Finally, lower the bar. Perfectionism plays a large part in our addiction to busyness. If we weren’t working so hard to make everything “just right”, we would have more time to relax. I learned this when I started to delegate tasks at work. I might have done things much better, but the other person did just fine. And no one noticed any lowering of quality. Much of the quality I was striving for was noticed only by a select few. So, do yourself a favor and lower the standard to a “mere human” level. If this might be a challenge for you, find a friend in your life that doesn’t seem to be struggling with busyness, and ask them to help you.

Again, it goes back to what’s important. At a birthday party, is it important that the kids have fun running around going crazy and get to eat something yummy? Or is it important that the tablecloth, napkins, cups, and balloons match perfectly and everything is timed just right? Is it important that everyone receives a birthday invitation that is custom made, with a hand crafted poem, the perfect picture of your little angle, personally signed using calligraphy? Or is it important to simply inform people of the date, time, and place? Use email, use facebook, pick up the phone, etc. Just lower the bar.

Remember, what’s at stake here is your joy, and a deeper connection with God, and the important people in your life. Establish your priorities, learn to say No!, and lower the bar. Give this a try for 30 days and let me know what a difference it makes in your life. It’s guaranteed!