What makes difficult people tick? Do they find it hard to get along with everyone…or just select individuals?

This is an area where I admit openly…I don’t have a clue. Am “I” the one that’s actually difficult to get along with? Jesus, please help me to discern the truth!

Although I don’t have a reliable compass for navigating through such tough relationships, God does.

A few verses come to mind.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

The message? Forgive and keep on forgiving! Good advice.

Matthew 5:22-24 (NIV)
22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment…
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

The message? Don’t become angry, even with those who seem to be looking for a fight. Don’t harbor a grudge and bitter feeling that will only prove to eat you from the inside. Such grudges are used by the Devil to separate us from God. Instead, sincerely seek reconciliation. If they aren’t open to reconciliation…put it behind you and do your best to live with love in your heart for them.

Here is another lesson worth following. When you get angry with someone, instead of gossiping about it with others (which only tends to make the problem larger than life), dig into God’s word. Allow God to speak to your heart and advise you on the matter. God’s council is infinitely wise and true.

So, what has been your experience in dealing with difficult people? What works? What doesn’t? From someone who desperately needs help in this area…what advise do you have?

For those of you who’ve never heard of “Tracts” or never seen one, it’s a small pamphlet that talks about Jesus and why we should confess our sins and accept His free gift of salvation and eternal life. Sounds harmless…and I think some are.

In this case, the tract was “over the top”. It was Scare tactics 101 – basically “you are a SINNER! and you WILL burn in a torturous and fiery eternal hell unless you repent right now!” It only gets worse from there.

After I read the Tract, I was seized by the question “Is this Good or Bad for Christianity’s reputation?” And, “Isn’t there a better way?”

Since stumbling upon that tract, I’ve discussed it on Facebook, chatted with friends, and tweeted about it. What I’ve heard is that YES…it does occasionally save people…no doubt about it.

However, the overwhelming majority of people I’ve talked to are repelled by such Tracts. As I’ve discussed such things with non-believers, it’s Tracts such as these that give Christianity a bad name, and a bad stereotype. It positions US as if we are in the judgment seat.

Instead of coming across as loving, we come across as judgmental…even hateful. Instead of showing God for the loving God that He his, we position Him as exclusively wrathful and angry. Non-believers are repulsed by such attempts to “save their soul”.

My opinion is these Tracts do more harm than good. Remember, it’s not about our “intent”. Non-believers are turned OFF by these…not turned ON. So much better is to relate to people in your circles of influence in a personal and real way…and show the Love of Christ.

But hey, we want to hear what you think!

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One thing I keep seeing is situations where the person (the non-believer) finally tells their parents or friends…and BAM…rejection. Parents and friends stop talking to them (presumably because they are so hurt)..they are shunned.

It leaves me scratching my head in disbelief. I know it happens, but WHY?

God calls us to love each other. God calls us to take care of one another.

How do you think non-believers feel when us Christians, who are supposed to show unconditional love, about face and walk away from the relationship?

From reading the comments, it’s clear that it’s incredibly damaging…not just to the person who’s at a very vulnerable time (spiritual low you might say)…but also damaging to Christianity.

Our reputation should be one of loving people THROUGH a hard time in their life…not walking away. People should know us as the people who didn’t judge, didn’t condemn, didn’t shun.

So, I’ll ask the pink elephant in the room question here: Is there anyone in your family that you have severed relations with because they fell away from the church? Ask yourself…is that what God wants, or is this just my imperfect human way of dealing with difficult situations?

Reach out in love and rebuild the relationship. Don’t try to drag them to church, don’t have your pastor chat with them, don’t try to fix them…just love them and spend time with them. Show them God’s unconditional love and mercy by how you treat them.

Who knows…LIVING the Christian faith may be just the witness they need to someday return to the faith.

To learn more about how you can help reverse negative Christian stereotypes, visit http://www.changingthefaceofchristianity.com. When you get there, JOIN the cause.

God commands us to love one another (1 John 3:23). Love can be communicated in many different ways… by listening, by helping, through words of encouragement and hope, and through acts of selfless service. But love always starts with ”hello”. When you first meet someone, do you give them undivided attention, or are you looking for the next person to meet?

I can count on one hand the times in my life when I have witnessed someone giving consistent focused attention to a group of new people; treating each person as uniquely important. How about you?

We meet new people at the grocery store, at the pharmacy, standing in line for tickets to a show, waiting for a table at a restaurant, at a power-lunch or networking event, and even at church. How do you make people feel when you first meet them? My suggestion is to first make them feel important to you with your eyes. There are other suggestions, but this is a good first step.

In my church, there is a small time set aside at the beginning of service to ”go shake some hands”. This is where I have most often felt invisible to those new people I’m meeting. For some visualization, imagine you are in a dense fog and all you see coming at you is a hand. So, you start to extend your hand to meet theirs. Now, if you are like me, the next thing you do is look up and see whose hand it is.

This is the moment of truth. Will the person be looking at you as they shake your hand, or will they be looking left, right, or past you for the next hand? The goal is not to ‘’shake as many hands in the next 30 seconds as possible” and the winner gets a prize. It’s about connecting briefly with another human being.

I’m calling you to be the type of person who looks the other person in the eye. When they look up, they should see you looking at them and only them. While you say hello, continue to look at them. In that brief moment, make them feel important with your eyes.

Jesus Christ was quoted as saying ”If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) The practical application today is this: How can you love others if you aren’t even willing to give them your brief undivided attention? If it’s tough to do this in church with fellow believers, how are you possibly going to make non-believers feel important when you meet them?

When it comes to evangelism and connecting with non-believers, I won’t suggest I have it all figured out. But I do know this: true evangelism starts with a loving relationship where the other person feels as important to you as they are to our heavenly Father. The first and possibly only chance you will get to develop such a relationship depends on your eyes. Where are they focused?

My plea is that you let the whole world turn into a thick fog where the only thing you see is the other person’s eyes. In that moment, choose to love them as our Father has commanded, through focused attention. Who knows? The next time you meet them they might actually remember your name and you might remember theirs.

Now, I knew how NOT too…but how to? I thought for a second and answered… you simply much SHOW God’s love to them. You can’t quote scripture (they don’t believe in the Book), you can’t say “I’ll pray for you” because that’s like telling an Atheist you are from Mars and your name is Shraaaak-neebo-alkkksitar”. It just doesn’t resonate with them. So, the only way to truly win them over is to show them genuine Christianity. The kind where you actually DO love your neighbor in words and actions. The kind where you don’t look and act like every other person in the world.

In my words, you show them the true FACE of christianity….the kind they can’t resist.

So, a quick topic to discuss as a group. What REAL, practical, do-able, genuine acts of Christian Love are you doing for Christians and non-christians alike? Share your best tips!!!